And a third, fundamentally more well-meaning group, will come over an give anecdotes about all the thick chicks they know who have male partners.
Why the unique snub reserved for the one fat girl in the crew?Those stories ring hollow, because they ultimately amount to a futile attempt to amass enough exceptions to disprove the rule.Moreover, perhaps folks aren’t considering that the partner-less fat girls simply remain invisible to you, and the thick girls with guys are visible, precisely because they are an anomaly.I’ve interviewed thousands of men in my career as a dating expert and journalist, and I’ve noticed that on every rundown of what it is that men are looking for in a woman, weight inevitably sneaks high on the list, usually in the form of “She works out” or “She stays fit” or “She is concerned about her weight and personal appearance” — i.e., she’s not fat.as women is difficult, because it can make us feel powerless and/or less-than-feminist.What I’m getting at is something much more fundamental. Several months ago I was in a bar/lounge type spot, with a group of 7 or 8 homegirls.Because desire is socially constructed (no matter how much folks justify their limited dating choices based on ‘natural preference’), the fact that we live in a fat-hating culture greatly affects who we’re attracted to, and what we find attractive. We ranged in size and skin tone, from short and petite, to tall and lanky, from light-skinned to dark-skinned, from skinny to fat (me being the fat one), and everything in between. My girl gave us his vital statistics and it turns out the brother is highly intelligent and very accomplished. This I discovered, as I watched him at different points during the evening, strike up a conversation and flirt with every single girl in the crew—except me.Even so, one could argue that these mainstream films reflect the desires of white America, or more to the point, white men, and not Black men, which up to this point is the only group of men I’ve dated.But with brothers I find, that they, too, have internalized a particular relationship to the body-type most associated with the mammy figure.I know that we have huge problems with obesity in Black communities.I have thought long and hard about my relationship to food (and exercise), and I have started to make some changes in order to remain healthy.