I think that [example] showed that a lot of men are essentially good people. So a lot of women are married to men who are good but that does not mean they are not susceptible to ultimately cheating. Women are being told that unless they are unbelievable sexy and have a Ph. in prostitution education then the husband is going to cheat.But when the results came in [from my study] only 8 percent of cheaters said that sexual dissatisfaction was a primary contributor [in cheating] and only 12 percent said the mistress was better looking or in better shape than their wives.I've been a marriage counselor for more than 20 years now.I think [hearing] women who have had the overwhelming pain of being cheated on and the subsequent disaster for the kids definitely made me want to find out what they could do other than be victims.
It was watching these statistics play out in his practice that prompted family counselor, rabbi and best-selling author Gary Neuman to embark on a two-year study of 100 men who had sexual affairs and 100 men who were faithful.Google the words "marriage and affair" and you get more than 17 million variations on how to heal.That's because "fidelity in marriage"—which only gets about 3½ million hits—is a hard thing to come by these days.They should also have one night a week where they do date night.It should be the same night every week, so get a babysitter ahead of time, and do not talk about three things—money, business or the kids.According to your study, there's a 93 percent chance that if your husband's cheated he won't just admit it. There are also men—12 percent of those you surveyed—who will cheat no matter what. If you have a husband who does not show remorse, is not willing to be completely transparent moving forward and is not truly apologetic for what he has already done, then I don't see how a woman could entrust her vulnerability to that man again.Have the marital problems you've mentioned in your book always been this bad?Well, men generally do want to give, and appreciation motivates them.If you appreciate your husband for the next week, and he asks what's going on, then it leads to a positive conversation where you can also share what you want.I'm suggesting that you look at the signs that are going to mean the most and then do something about them.Don't do what so many of us do, which is hold our breath and hope [the problem] goes away.