It's a life of justifications, covering up, pretending. I could hear my husband open our front door as I prepped dinner in the kitchen. The coldness in his words, the preoccupation behind his eyes, the sound of his struggling lungs whistling as I try to sleep next to him.Except I knew it wasn't really my husband, not the same guy I married over five years ago. Today it's Vicodin, before that it was Methadone, before that it was Heroin, and before that it was an Oxy Contin prescription from his doctor, hoping to ease a gnawing pain in his leg. It's a life of justifications, covering up, pretending. Being a drug addict's wife means understanding the whys and seeing the humanity behind the label.This is very typical of addicted/drug dealer relationships. Before she knows it – her beautiful life living in the safe haven of your home, your arms – is only something she dreams about when she has a chance to sleep. I’ve been doing this for years for many, many individuals and families. Mom, what happens if your sweet baby simply has a terrible, scary nightmare? She needs the drugs more than she needs him and will do what she can to maintain her high. She will steal from you if you don’t give her what you want. Sleep is the only time her old life comes to her and it hurts. One thing I know for sure, when this disease starts to progress, and it will—–the last thing you are going to be thinking about when you are bailing her out, looking for her on the street or picking out her casket is that drug dealing boyfriend whose name you can’t remember. On good days, I have a better understanding of all the reasons we put on blinders, escape reality, and numb the pain.
The consecutive ATM withdrawals and sneaky deception.
One of them is trying to hurt you - the other is not.
The drug addict has a problem and there's only so much you can do to understand that.
Needless to say, my rules didn't stick and he was back at the blow the next weekend. When you love someone who doesn't love you to their fullest potential it hurts. It's even worse if someone loves a drug more than you.
My poor heart wasn't ready for what happened: Once it ended, I learned loving a drug addict is worse than having an abusive relationship.