---Loving Yourself by Getting Organized Are We Ready for Marriage?
We Can Do It with New Light on the Wedding Parables!
Here is a checklist: You must be definite that he is actually getting a divorce and has not just taken a few weeks off from his marriage to "find himself" or "get space." Are papers being filed or served? Any reports of progress are a green light that he is headed in the right direction as a possible partner for you.
And being able to be empathetic and compassionate toward both of you is key. It basically describes what we’re all striving to be in our lives, and that’s WITHOUT the added trigger of your man being a nut as he goes through his divorce, and the anxiety you feel about whether or not this will all work out in your favor!To learn how Karen can help you find the right man, please visit her website: The Heart and receive your complimentary monthly newsletter, “Ask the Coach”.It’s one of the reasons that for years now, my advice to women has been: don’t date a man unless he’s been legally divorced a year, and until he’s already had one transitional relationship.Sure, there are successful relationships out there that started off with one partner legally still in a marriage, but the odds are not greatly in favor of that outcome. It’s just that you’ve got your work cut out for you.Oh, and if you can keep your sense of humor, that is a big plus!Karen Jones is the founder of The Heart Matters – since 1997, a relationship coaching and seminar company that’s been successfully helping women have the relationship they’ve always dreamed of.And, an important piece here, this advice today is based on the fact that you’ve done your work to know that this man fits your requirements and your vision.(If you feel you may need assistance with these, please email me: [email protected]) Having said that, have you got what it takes to pull off this part of your journey with your man?WHAT IT TAKES Here are some things you may want to remind yourself of, as you deal with this phase of your relationship: • He’s doing the very best he can right now (even if you’re SURE he could be doing better); • This too shall pass!• He did love this woman at one time, and the habitual attachment, no matter how painful and dysfunctional it may have been, is hard for a man to let go of at times; • When a man feels like a failure, it is hard for him to behave powerfully; • Remind yourself not to take it personally when he’s being an emotional wreck (if he’s even revealing that to you - he may just head into his “cave” and hide out) And here are some things you may want to do, or do more of: • Make sure when you two are together, you are having high-quality connection time (it will be different, depending on circumstances, of course, but consider these: physical connection, empathic listening, giving him ways to give to you that he can manage well, playing together in whatever way you do that, taking breaks from the intensity of what he’s going through, being together with no agenda); • Spend time with good friends/your support system and do things you enjoy; • Take exquisite care of yourself (all acts of self-love will help you remember you are worthy of love); • Gently let him know if he’s doing things that are feeling hurtful to you (before you do that, check in with the “don’t take things personally” item first, and see if you still need to say something to him); • Praise and acknowledge any and all things about him that you can…it will be like water to a man in the desert at this point.