We write off the person’s debt, and she no longer owes us. They may feel a hole where you used to plug up their aloneness, their disorganization, or their financial irresponsibility. If you love them, this will be difficult for you to watch.But, when you are dealing with someone who is hurting, remember that your boundaries are both necessary for you and helpful for them.We all hurt sometimes in facing hard truths, but it makes us grow. But when she says, "I am moving out and will be open to getting back together when you are getting treatment for your addiction," then all of a sudden the addict feels "I need to get some help or I am going to lose my marriage." The need has been transferred.It is the same with any kind of problematic behavior of a person who is not taking feedback and ownership.- How do I answer someone who wants my time, love, energy, or money? - Why do I feel guilty or afraid when I consider setting boundaries? I want to read this book, but I'm wondering: Can anyone recommend something with a similar message but with a less overtly Christin perspective?I want to buy it for a friend who isn't Christian, and from the preview I saw the information seems solid but it mentions God and the Bible pretty constantly so I'm wondering if there's something a little more toned down.
Setting boundaries inevitably involves taking responsibility for your choices. You are the one who must live with their consequences.
He would swoop in like Tarzan swinging on a vine, rescue them from whatever situation they found themselves in, and be their hero. But they did not see his inability to allow them to disagree or have an opinion. So, they would be a perfect match—until he would see the other side of a passive, compliant woman.
He would make all the decisions, and he would be strong and dependable. She would be sneaky and not tell him exactly what was going on.
And you are the one who may be keeping yourself from making the choices you could be happy with. Facing reality is usually not a damaging experience, even though it can hurt.” ― Henry Cloud “Page 142: "When a spouse says to the alcoholic, "you need to go to AA," that is obviously not true.
We must own our own thoughts and clarify distorted thinking.” ― Henry Cloud, “There is a big difference between hurt and harm. The addict feels no need to do that at all, and isn't.