And soon, I realized that all of this Tindering was doing for me was making me feel more empowered.
I got to make the decision about whether we went out again.
I was in "digital media," I was from Boston, I was relatively new to L.
But Tinder doesn't make it easier to fall in love just because it makes it easier to be exposed to hundreds, or thousands, of potential dates.(He fixed my glasses.) It wasn't until the last couple of years, when I was already well into my thirties, that I began to date date, and I quickly learned that the only people who truly like dating — and by dating I mean the numbing dance of texting, and not hearing back, and then finally hearing back, and then making plans, and changing plans, and finally meeting and deciding within 30 seconds that this is not your Person, and then doing it all over again — are generally either sociopaths or masochists.So I do want to be clear that the mostly bad things people say about Tinder were also mostly true (and bad) for me for the year or so that I was on and off it.Or if I went a couple of days without a match, I despaired: Was it possible I had exhausted the entire population of age-appropriate men in Los Angeles, and none of them was interested in me? I started taking my phone to bed with me, which had been a longtime taboo, so that I could swipe, swipe, swipe late into the night. When it started feeling like it was taking over my life, I deleted it from my phone, took a break of a few days or a few weeks, and started again.My profile stayed essentially unchanged over the year or so I was on and off Tinder, and everything I wrote on it was true.I had been so conditioned to believe that I wasn't in the driver's seat when it came to dating (thanks, New York) that I had become way too passive; I was so obsessed with wondering whether someone liked me that I forgot about the part that was just as important: whether I actually liked them.And going out with so many different people — in fact, simply encountering so many different people, even just on the app — had the effect of, also, helping me refine what it really was I was looking for.Because much of the criticism of Tinder seems to actually be, implicitly, a criticism of the machinations of dating, and the ways in which dating causes people to, sometimes, show their worst, judgmental, passive aggressive selves instead of their best selves.My co-worker Tamerra recently asked me, "Do people think that the app will relieve people of the responsibility of being sincere, projecting themselves honestly, and communicating what they're looking for in a relationship the same way they would IRL?Or if they did, they were keeping it a secret, like me.So my boyfriends were guys I met in grad school, or at work, or through friends, or, once, at the optician.