I had become so enmeshed into what my husband wanted that my dream actually became for him to fulfill all of his dreams. Well, I’m a chunky, 5’1” brunette who has to shop in the kids department for jeans. I tried to satisfy his gourmet tastes, but now I know that porn creates an insatiable appetite that cannot be satisfied.I started realizing that I was just a normal woman who would be too flat, too fat, too old, or too average to compete with the likes of Internet porn.There were many years where I just willed myself to be with him because I couldn’t stand the guilt of making his addiction return or worsen.I was dying a little each day…he had no idea or capacity to care.
Foreword It takes me a while to write, in contrast to my father who cranked out single-spaced typed letters like sausages for nearly any reason, from important to relatively trivial.
I was emotionally vacant, but at least I wasn’t frigid.
DOWNLOAD “HOPE AFTER PORN” Wanting to set goals for myself or plan out and pursue a dream of mine means I’m too independent. I started realizing that he looked at women in “1D,” so to speak. None of that interested him, so it seemed silly for me to focus on any of that in my own life. My goal was to meet his needs so that he wouldn’t reject or abandon me, which was a core fear for me most of my life. Extensions, blonde highlights, nail salons, low cut shirts, diet plans, lipo, push up bras…the list goes on and on.
Chasing that shadow is an endless game that leaves you desperate and bitter.
When the person you’re living with looks at you through distorted eyes, it distorts your ability to know who you are: a Princess of the Most High God.