) while I am lucky to have somehow fooled this incredible person into being attracted to me.I feel incredibly inferior for not having had the life experiences that she has.
The sex that matters most is the stuff that’s happening right now, the stuff you create together. These feelings are messing with your happiness and your life and that’s what therapy is for.
I feel so sick and miserable when I have these thoughts but I can’t help but indulge them anyway.
What really exacerbates this is the fact that I never had any experience before her.
I know that logically speaking, all these feelings are bullshit, and that I should just enjoy our relationship as it is now and let go of the past. I’ve talked to her about this before and of course she reassures me, but then I’m back to my self destructive spiral again. I can’t diagnose you through the internet and won’t try, but it seems to me that “debilitating insecurity,” “intrusive thoughts that destroy your peace of mind” and “compulsive actions like constantly searching for old photos of your girlfriend and her exes and creating negative fantasies about them to beat yourself up with” has got to check off some ticky boxes on some intake form somewhere. Tell them: “I can’t stop thinking about this and it’s making me feel really insecure and unhappy and I’m afraid I’m going to keep sabotaging my relationship.
How do I get over this without destroying my relationship? You need someone who is not your partner who can help you process these feelings and redirect your thoughts in more positive directions. I’m not going to give you scripts to talk to your partner about it because none of this is actually her problem to deal with or reassure you about. I’m looking to find healthier ways to redirect these thoughts and process these feelings.” I know the feelings this is bringing up are hurting you and I don’t want to beat you up for having them, but I feel that it’s important to say that you are unintentionally participating in a deeply misogynist narrative.