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” Fortunately, there is one group of guys within the Jewish world that are especially marriage-minded, but meeting one doesn’t come down to location as much as it comes down to looking for a certain type: Orthodox.(No, not all Orthodox guys are issue-free when it comes to marriage, but as a whole, they are FAR more marriage-oriented than any other Jewish group of men). Their wife is the “old ball and chain” tying them down to a life of restriction.

You don’t want to be begging someone to marry you – you want someone to be over the moon at the idea of spending the rest of his life with you. With our commitment-phobic society, where people live together for years instead of getting married, and raise an animal together instead of having kids, is it possible to find a guy who will be self-motivated to, as Beyonce says, “put a ring on it?

Why are Orthodox guys (generally) more marriage-oriented than guys from the secular word? With Orthodox guys, though, they live a life of restriction (which Orthodox Jews are supposed to observe, though surely not all do) keep single men (and women) from touching any non (immediate) family member of the opposite sex.

Because in the rest of the world, men, while they’re single, are free to have as many escapades with as many women as they can manage to get. (As an aside, there’s a debate, but people in my circles will shake hands with members of the opposite sex who are not family members in order to not embarrass them.

In more right wing circles, they don’t.) What does to guys (and to girls, to some extent, though we generally need less motivation) is help them get past their fear of commitment because they are NOT having their cake and eating it too.

In addition to the physical motivation to commit to a woman, Orthodox men grow up in a society where marriage and family is at the center of life, and where friends and peers marry at younger ages.

435 comments

  1. Jun 9, 2010. This is a post that could be said even to be outside my comfort zone, and, typically, nothing gets me all "ooo, what will the people say and think." So what's the topic that has me a feeling a little squishy? Shomer negiah. Modesty tzniut. Not touching your boyfriend, significant other, partner, spouse.

  2. Jul 16, 2013. A person can find his or herself judged for being “too” shomer, not shomer enough, or for making exceptions that are not to the judging party's taste. Furthermore, members of an Orthodox community frequently keep tabs on one another's shomer status as an important factor in choosing whom to date.

  3. Dec 23, 2010. Hopefully being shomer negiah can help you keep this area in focus, rather than letting it blind you! Shomer negiah is really the "key" to orthodox dating. How well do you communicate? That's the "key" to orthodox marriage! What to Do If You Meet Potential Mates in a Way Without a Formal Date. Beats me.

  4. Feb 20, 2005. A way to tell boys “We can date, but I won't do anything physical with you until I know that you really love me and will stay with me, because you've married me.” Only instead of saying all that the words we used were “I'm shomer negiah” because that is an acceptable way of saying it in our culture, instead of.

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